full circle.

it was one of the many friday nights..

three four years ago?

comparing the first two years of uni life..

saying they are different would be an understatement.

everything was greeted with excitement and overzealouswillingness as a freshie..

compared to a jaded lethargic senior..

these all happened to me crossed my mind at one point in time or another..

1. signing up for everything and wanting to know more people and just playing and suppering and doing stupid things and living life like there's no tomorrow..

2. there's too many people and i can't balance and i got to cut down to manage better.

3. i became mr mia for sportscamp outing and even then i had problem juggling between hall meetups..

4. realising what if there's tomorrow and the day after and 4 years later i'm still alive and i've no degree along with friends who are there on school days and disappear when holidays are here

to having a group of friends..and just being with that group of friends..

5. exclusiveness may not be a good thing..and it's actually hard to find people to want to be in that exclusiveness group..because as always..people come and go..in fact it is actually hard to have an exclusive group that everybody in the group will relate to because for that to happen..everybody in it must experienced something together that can really bond the group well..like facing death right in the face..or undergoing torture or something bad that can unite the group..and when bmt is not even doing a good job uniting people together..it's always going to be so much harder for a group that is going to be really exclusive to be formed..unless it's really likeminded like minded people which is really rare to find.

6. there was also a time where i wanted to be alone and an individual only. i wanted to prove that one man can be an island. and it's the dependence on people that made people weak. that we all can be strong and capable if we do not share our problems and then people wouldn't share their problems and that way much time and braincells can be saved since we do not have to worry for others like how others worried for us. we face our own problems. iron it out and life goes on. pretty much like how you went home alone before you met the guy who sent you home. or eat at meals alone before people asked you out for meals. expectedly, it didn't last long before i crumbled.

7. it was time to instill discipline again and so i travelled daily back and forth school and home and i was doing pretty well..in face attendance in lectures were much better..i enjoyed classes better..and i woke up earlier and i slept earlier!

8. the first year there were fun everywhere everynight but i learnt to make peace with myself in the second year

it seems like i went a full circle..perhaps maybe back to where i was years ago on the same friday night..

there has been dissapointment with some peers lately.

the more i want to stretch out to help them the more distant it becomes.

i've learnt to accept the positive and see what happens from here..

when the laughter that fills the room now is no longer the same laughter as it once was previously...

i must learnt not to let my negative feelings affect the people around it.

mustn't take it out on them.

everybody seems to be so distant..

so far away...