what hurts the most

i wonder how we will cope, come sunday when we next kick the ball knowing that a teammate had just underwent an op for a fracture. we are after all 21. and fabegras wasn't much older when he witnessed the tackle on eduardo. the impact of an injury. how it must have haunt him. knowing that your teammate, or yourself could actually be the one in his position, suffering an injury. pior to the incident i had sensed that the team was pretty unhappy with the way things were on the pitch. the way the half time talk went. when matthew had led the discussions about the formation, how he specifially assigned positions to the team. how worked up the team was when the second half started, how we got the first goal within seconds of the restart. i had never seen such a high work rate for a while and even dom did questioned how long they could keep up. when kelvin lost the ball and was chasing back for it, i could sensed that he was about to do sth stupid so i shouted easy easy to him, but he didn't had any chance to do so becuase that was when the incident occured.
many a times, when i had been running about chasing for ball, or attempted sliding tackles, did the question of how dangerous or how much of a need is it for me to slide ever crossed my team mate's mind? when i played in secondary school, people branded me rough and we offen get into fights. when i continued in jc, did the same pple said the same thing because it seems that it is a must and it is a beautiful thing when it's executed perfectly, albeit the danger and risk to the players involved?
it's been a while since i last did a sliding tackle these days. not because there isn't a need to, neither is it because of the danger also. but somehow i know that deep down i had mellowed. i am no longer the physical player that i once was. i just didn't say it out. because there's no one i could actually say it to. i want to be the player that i once was, but when i'm playing with my own friends, how can i do it, i often ask myself. is there really a need to execute it? when is it competitive and when is it just for leisure?
now that this incident occured, if i had been the one who caused the injury, will i ever dare face the injured person again? his friends, his family, his loved ones, especially when he himself is a friend of mine. someone that everyone held in high regard. it may be an accident, but if i had caused the injury. will i ever leave free of guilt? i would have been a murderer, destroying his future, his family's hopes, friendships that he will have to sacrifice if the fracture was worse than that.