zzz

one reason why i don't go to bed early is because i will be spending most of my time lying on my bed, eyes open, staring at the ceiling.
my mind will be turning faster than a hamster's wheel, churning out nonsencial thoughts, replaying scenes in the day over and over again. it's like vantage point, replaying the days or random events over and over again. conversations are spoken over and over again in the head. and no matter how much you try to keep your focus or thoughts away from some things, it is only a matter of time before random thoughts start infiltrating your mind again. warm milk, counting the number of snores coming from the next bed, looking at just the white wall, i've tried it all.
which is why i usually go out until i'm tired then i'll just hit the bed straight. cheerleading was good initially when the body was physically tired after training, but as the body becomes accustomed to it and training became slacker, the problem came back.
i can totally relate to people who drinks or smokes just to get away from their troubles, unhappy thoughts. but i don't have unhappy thoughts. not every night at least.
sleep doesn't come by easily to me on normal days. (of course orientation is a different matter) which maybe explains why i find it hard (or don't want) to wake up on mornings, and i hate it when somebody disturbs my sleep because it's hard for me to sleep and it's not always i can be fully rested. trust me, you won't want, and i won't want to be near you when i just had 2hrs of sleep the night before. i'm not exactly a morning person.

this is a a rational entry. i crawled my way to a 0930 lesson today.
just a one hour lecture. and remained awake through it.

i wish i could just fall into a deep sleep like a baby every night i lie on my pillow and hug my 2 bolsters.