EXAM STRESS?

so..i guess it's easy to put the blame on what's happening around to just these two words alone.

for words..kind..unkind..gibberish..actions that you may be doing which you will never consider or foresee yourself to do when you're rational, or when you're under NO stress at all..but are your course of actions really under the influence of the words at all, or are you just making the words your scapegoat because it is easy to simply point your fingers at it? it could be that the pressure has gotten into you, slicing through your comfy cocoon to reach that soft vulnerable interior. or it could only make you brace yourself to be stronger, helping you reach a stage of oblivion that you do not care or want to know what's happening around you. either way, or any other effects of it..it's impossible to say that we are safe from the effects of it..because we humans, are emotional creatures after all.

for myself, i don't think the effects of exams are that significant on me. there are only 2 times when i'm stress. when i know things are no longer in my control. and when there's nothing i can do to change an outcome which i want to prevent. so if you were to translate it to exam terms. it basically means that i wouldn't be worried for a paper. until the last few hours when i know it's too little too late to do anything to know more stuff. that i'll be worried. and when i'm doing the paper and when i've tried all that i know and when nothing i can do can help gain me additional marks. then i'll have to resort to praying for a miracle. and that is a very horrible feeling. i like to know things are under my control and that means that i know that i'm doom for a quiz that's starting in 10 mins. i'll do all i can to prevent that from happening. whatever it takes. it's a competitive streak in me.

so a lot of things have been going on lately, especially with people stepping up a gear to prepare for examinations..everybody stopping sports and rec games..cheerleading included (thank god) and the focus has been on the papers with a big E. for myself, i wouldn't say i didn't study. but i wouldn't say i studied exactly as well. it's hard to when there's no guidelines no TYS to do no tutors to seek help from..things have to dependent on one's self. that's INdependence (COOL). a word which i'm never and shouldn't be associated with.

i wouldn't want to talk about the actions of others. so i'll just touch on mine. given a choice, i rather complete these papers back to back to back, and get it done and over with asap. the wait is long and there's nothing more i dislike than to wait. (i'm sorry i'm always late!) it wouldn't matter if i did badly, as long as i scrap through. but yea. point is. i should probably be studying. doing a proper job as a student. and not going for extended smoke breaks by playing computer games, table soccer, go for meals that take 2 hours, rest two days after i complete one paper.

opps i forgot the purpose of this entry already. so i'll just ramble and rant and bitch. anyway i'm home. will be back in hall tmr afternooon. in case you're wondering why am i so free, blogging at this hour and going to and fro from hall to home to hall is because i need to do so. need to tend to some minor stuff. like frivolous stuff. come friday :) this is bad because my focus is totally not on my studies at all MUAHAHA but yea can't wait to spread the love around. EXAMS can wait. i got the rest of my life to pass it (i'll be a loser. i don't care!) but i like living for the moment and if i don't do stuff. i might regret it should the opportunity be gone. to paraphase, somehow i am not too worried about the papers because they are the future, and i'm not thinking that far, for now. if i wake up tmr and find myself that i'm no longer part of this world. i'm fine with it because i know i've did everything i need to, and i didn't spend my last few days studying! yay! like i said i'm not focusing now on the right stuff but yea. i don't know i don't care. ROAR! the last thing i want to be known for should i pass on is not about the 5.0 that i achieved but i help sbd acheive that 4.5 ( 0.5 goes missing because i played table soccer and computer games with him/her). At least i touched the life of somebody. maybe i should save myself before i talk about others. but. i can't be bothered about that now. i know what i want to be if i fail to make the grade.

one more thing. i have already taken 1 paper. maths. basic maths. limits, differentiation, integration. well. that's one out of 6 papers that i would have to take. but hey that's not the point. i stepped into the hall UNSURE how things would be like because one, that's my first MAJOR paper in Uni, and two, because i wouldn't say i was fully prepared for it because i know there were things that i could do. like doing past year papers, and try redoing my tutorials from week 1 to 10. and attempt my tutorials for the remaining weeks. fact is. i was a little complacent. and i couldn't really be bothered by it. so i attempted all questions with 45mins to spare. attempted meaning read, thought, tried, (gave up). i counted my marks (as i always do to know how i did for the paper) and i could see that 30 marks are gone, undone. 20 marks are gibberish. and hopefully i don't make any mistakes for the remaining 50 marks (who am i kidding?!). you know the lat time i felt so unprepared for a paper was during my HCL paper. where i chose to seek divine intervention from a Playstation before the paper. and you know what happened after that. I'll pass this time round. but i'll probably not do well. oh well..you know..i'm worried not because exams are here. at my doorstep. rather, i'm worried that the doorbell is ringing and i'm too stuck on cable tv that i'm not moving. that is troubling. things will improve, second sem. i promise. consistency would be the key. like always.