Self Discovery

have been speaking to a lot of people lately.

^ _ ^

you can only get hurt from the words or actions of a person because that person means sth to you.

it is the second time i've heard the same words from the same person.
the first was from a bitter experience.
the second was an encouragement, an advice.

^ _ ^

and i guess it's common for couples to have relationship problems.
in fact no matter how stable a couple seems to be, one would be surprised, by what might actually be, otherwise.
and it isn't really a sweeping statement, because, that's what's happening around me.
I guess at the end of the day, what someone said really hit me hard. in uni, no relationships are permanent.

a smooth relationship probably wouldn't exist. yes, that i know.
but i would disagree.
because surely it can last those turbulent times if you want it to; friction when you see each other constantly; stress from exams; deadlines to meet.
isn't it more than just a short rollercoaster ride at a theme park, a road trip, or a plane trip from one end of the world to the other?
when a relationship reaches a plateau when the honeymoon period is over, nothing is left but a feeling of commitment towards each other and everything becomes mundane and boring.
a commitment. which is more than just riches, looks, and wit, a magical touch.
you tell me the happiness when you're with each other's company is gone. but will you ever be happy the new becomes the old and the old is forgotten.
i just hope you know what you're doing.
if you're prepare to play, then you should be prepared to get play. it's a dangerous game.
after all it's one that few can afford, or qualified to do so.

^_^

but sometimes u feel like a fool
because u try too hard for someone who doesnt reciprocate

I'm sorry i can't say anything helpful to you this time round. let me think about it. and i'll get back to you.

^ _ ^

you know the problem with me is.
i let my mood affect me so much
sometimes my actions are no longer ruled by my head.
i do things in anger.
i say hurtful things when i'm irritated.
i guess i don't notice it til it's too late.
then it will be too late to apologize.
and then i can only stop and stare.

^ _ ^

to me, to choose between the big picture and the small, finer details.
i will go for the latter.
because i believe that if the fine details are not taken care of then there isn't a big picture to talk about anymore.
so as long as there is one taking care of the big picture.
my job is simple, no matter how small or simple.
and that is to make sure nothing goes wrong.
even if you don't notice it.
it's alright.
as long as the big picture is in tact.

^ _ ^

on the same note, i don't like it when the attention is on me.
you can give me credit for my work, but i'll simple brush it away.
or make it sound like it doesn't matter.
i guess it may hurt the person.
but i wouldn't notice.
in the same way, i may do sth for a person.
but i may not voice it out.
because whoever gets the credit doesn't matter.
like i said,
i would rather make sure the break system of ten cars are fully functional,
then make sure the sales of the ten cars go well.
unambitious? maybe.
but i believe in a strong foundation.
even if that means i have ten cars i can't sell.
at least i know lives of the passengers are safe and accidents are prevented.

^ _ ^

sometimes i listen to the accounts of people's experience when they were younger.
and i envied them for it.
it's not things like being to new york or climbing mt fuji.
but more of stupid stuff like
emptying rubbish bins
disturbing pple in class
shooting rubber band at friends
playing stupid pranks
basically everything but following the rules
it will probable get me into trouble
or get expelled.
but there's only a chance at being young
and i will probably choose to remember all the stupid things that i had did when i'm older
than y= mx +c
i knew i always had a rebellious streak in me.
after all i did get into trouble as a class monitor
but seriously cat high is too guai
or my class at least
i think i was the top 3 menance in class.
but then again i am largely where i am today
because of my class in lower sec
which didn't led me astray.

^ _ ^

and maybe because of that i value my days now.
days of being single.
before settling down and being responsible.
right now, i value my weekends
and i wouldn't mind doing crazy things
even if that means forgoing my sleep
after all i'll have plenty of that in the coffin.
i will do anything but study on a weekend
but i guess it's always the company as well.
and in some way
even though the culture, scenary and people were way much better in Europe,
i think i had more fun in taiwan
from the numerous stupid things that were done in that single trip.

^ _ ^

after a 7hr sleep
and the hot shower that was still available.
i'm in hall. boo boo.
and i'll be doing ippt later.
dun fail me later.
i guess i'll go back to sleep.
just want to thank those that had been listening and sharing with me.
especially my roomie for attempting to wake me up for lessons.
and those who are constantly making sure i'm still sane.
i'll visit my grandparents this weekend.
find something stupid to do one more time.
before i turn the bend and go into the final sprint.

^ _ ^

for you, a thousand times over.