23AUs

i'm currently registered with 23AUs.
the number of core modules that i have are 3, 2 examinable 3AUs each,
and a weekly 6hr lab session, graded, 2AUs.
that bring my core modules to 8AUs, which of course there's nothing which i can do about.
after 2 weeks of school, my deteriorating relationship with organic chem isn't improving, and to call the 6hr lab that i had yesterday a disaster would grossly be an understatement.
someone said it was alright to feel like a fish out of water when you're in year one because you're still learning the ropes and all.
i still feel lost in lab and looking at people going about with a sense of urgency and purpose surely does intimidated you.
i'm still trying to catch up on year 1 work so that i do know what's going about in lectures these days. so i do know, things will improve, as it can only be better with more effort from myself.
after all, it was partly my fault when i neglected organic chem, and things became what it is today.
anyway, this is the bad side to school. as the other 15AUs are really subjects that i had appealed/ wanted to do. biz finance, biz law, tourism today, coping with cultural transition, polymer chem. i had appealed for the last 3 modules and i've gotten all 3, and i'm really really glad to have the modules because 1. tourism has been sth that i really liked. 2. the exposure that i have since they are arts module. sitting throught the lectures had been really interesting. the only worry is the 23AUs that i'm looking at currently. and the examincation timetable with 4 papers, 3 days back 2 back. 2 chem cores, 2 biz modules.
i've taken all the modules with no intention of SU-ing them. part of me feel there's no purpose in SU-ing whatever electives that i've chosen because they are my choices. it's like changing to your kit for a performance you've wanted to do, warming up, and then when your turn comes to perform, you say no. i can't do it. i have stage fright. so just mark my attendance and yes i've graced this occasion. bye it's time to leave. in a way, grading spoils learning because if it's really sth interesting that we really want to learn, part of us will be held back because we want to do sth else that we wouldn't like as much but can score better.
for mods that we would like to try but we have totally no background in that mod, SU options should then come in, and i'm leaving mine to foreign languages, because i'm not a lingustic person and i'm looking at malay for that. that said, i will still have excess SU options and i really wish i could SU my cores.
anyway i've digress. the 4 papers in 3 days thing is really affecting my choices now. biz finance, 2 chem cores need lots of practices, biz law and the 2 arts mods have a lot of readings to do (which i wouldn't mind doing).
as much as i would like to take all the elective mods that i have been offered this sem, there is no way i can drop my cores, and i've been advised to lighten up the load. seriously, i wish i could just drop my cores, or SU them at least, so that i can do all 8 modules this sem. zzz.
grades grades grades. it kills the joy of learning. and all hopes of instep are pinned on it.
meritocracy you say.